Evil Fic
by RacetracksGambler
Summary: former newsie seeks revenge on the lodging house that ex-communicated her with the help of Evil Mush and her hostage, the sex muffin of Regular Mush. oooh crazy stuff.


AN: Alright, so what if DNA hadn't been discovered yet? Its not like anything else in this fic makes sense. It's all screwed up. Whatever, just go with it.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for Sabastian Bach, he's my hot hairband frontman, long live 80s rock J 

This is dedicated to Cane because… I just felt like doing something nice I don't have to explain myself

OH! And I took a quote from Southpark, so, yeah, sorry. Okay, on with the fic..

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It was a clear and quiet night when the insanity first took place. A tall, indistinct figure lurked in a newsie-lodging house where the napping girls and boys lay innocent in their beds, unsuspecting of the peril that lay ahead of them. The dark individual moved covertly to one sleeping body in particular. It stood over the girl preceding itself and looked down unto her sleeping frame. Eyes narrowed, the being bent over and lifted the girl from her bed and into its arms, turned and walked briskly from the bedroom and towards yet another mysterious figure, a girl, who stood outside.

"Ah, Evil Mush, good work," she smiled in seeing the still sleeping newsie in her partners arms. Evil Mush kind of grunted in return. 

" Finally, my plan starts to fall together, now that we have the newsie Cane in out possession the newsies will suffer for not letting my evilness reign supreme! They will forever live in FEAR of the name Hades and RUE the DAY when they kicked me out of their lodging house!" Evil Mush grunted again as Cane began to snore. Hades looked at the short girl in her lackey's arms with an evil glare before continuing with her speech. "Yes… as I was saying… Evil Mush! Come with me, we will bring _Cane _to the layer where she will stay until the day comes when the newsies gravel at my feet and except _me_ as their undisputed and beloved evil queen!" Evil Mush grunted once more as Cane began to turn and snore even louder then before. Hades' evil cackle rang through the streets as she and Evil Mush scampered off into the night to their EVIL layer where evil deeds were to be preformed. 

The following day, there was some serious commotion in the newsie-lodging house.

"NOOOOOOO!" Regular Mush screamed in to his beloved Cane's pillow. "CANE HATH BEEN STOLEN! Taken against her will! Thrusted in to the um… BADNESS of something… bad!" Mush continued his mindless drivel as the rest of the newsies in the LH looked on in confusion. 

"Mush? What the hell is wrong with you?" Spin asked as she began to get annoyed with his obnoxious twaddle. Mush looked up with large brown eyes and a face contorted with misery and woe.

"Its Cane she's…." –he paused for dramatic effect. "She's GONE!" 

"So… she prolly left early." Racetrack reasoned.

"Oh Racetrack, you always know just what to say in times of crisis!" Aki threw her arms around the little Italian.

"Ah, no worries fair lady, it was nothing. A person of such high intelligence, and such roguish good looks as myself should always be sure to spread his guidance to those in need," and Racetrack said this all while keeping his cheesy smile in tact. Then suddenly his smile faltered, "HEY!" he screamed, and Aki dropped her hold on the panicky newsie. "WAIT A MINUTE! Nobody MOVE! Has anyone seen my cigar!"

"Aw shut up Race, you don't even inhale!" Snipeshooter called from across the room with a mouth full'a Havana's"

"You pudgy little frog GET OVER HERE!" 

Just then, someone fell out of their bunk, "Oh no! Racey Baby, don't hurt yourself!" Snooza leapt up from the floor and hurled herself into Racetracks arms."

"HEY!" screamed Aki. "Get your hands of'a my man!" Snooza glared at Aki and pulled away from Racetrack.

"He's _mine_" Snooza yelled.

"Hey, ladies, ladies, there's enough Racetrack to go around." Race said, momentarily forgetting about Snipeshooter drooling on his cigars. 

"You guuuys!" Regular Mush whined. "What about Cane! She's not… _here_! What am I gonna do?"

"Burst out in song?" Turtle offered helpfully.

"Hey!" Mush got up from Cane's bed. "Now that's a fine idea!" Mush cleared his throat as a horrible 80's power ballad picked up in the background. (AN: You know the type, with the awful guitar playing and the long hair and sweaty tight pants? Oh GOD Sebastian Bach is HOTT… and YES there were 1980's power ballads in 1899, that's just how things work.) 

"Oooooo" Mush sang along with the invisible guitar player's riff. "Well! Someone took my baby and—"

"Oh _God_ Mush, STOP THE MADNESS!" Cried Mischief as she began rocking back and forth in a corner, covering her ears. Just then Spot jumped threw the window, and the 80s power ballad got thrown off the record player as the Mighty Mouse theme song started up.

"Here I come to save the day!" Spot cried out.

"Thank the lord Jebus," Mischief crawled over to Spot and grabbed his leg, she then proceeded in dragging him into a closet where from they emerged 10 minutes later. 

"SPOT," regular Mush screamed in panic. 

Spot looked over at Mush, "Yes my friend?" 

Mush sniffed, "It's Cane! She's not here!" 

Spot stared at Mush for a moment, then blinked and took Mischief by the hand and pulled her back into the closet.

(Off in the evil layer) 

Hades stood hovering over Cane as she slept. Growing impatient, she poked the girl's nose with her forefinger and she woke with a start. Cane sat up from the pile of newspapers she had been lying on and looked at Hades in confusion. Just then Evil Mush came stumbling into the room carrying a box of licorice whips.

"Ah, my fluffy companion, come here, our hostage has been awoken."

Cane then began to get very worried. She had not seen Hades since the day she had been kicked out of the lodging house for attempting to clone a Mush army from mixing one of her beloved's Brillow pad hairs with the toxic waters of the East River (it could happen). Apparently, Hades had been successful. Cane looked up from where she was sitting to see a very evil version of her favorite newsie.

"You fiend! Where do you keep the rest of them?" Cane yelled referring to the evil army she assumed Hades to have already created for the sole purpose of taking over the Manhattan Newsboys Lodging house. Hades Cackled. 

"Oh don't worry my vertically challenged friend." Cane was sadly only four feet, nine inches tall. Hades continued, "Evil Mush here is the only one of his kind. He, unfortunately, got hungry the night he was developed and ate the only Mush hair I had managed to pluck from your sex-monkeys head. To clone another from Evil Mush's hair would be too dangerous. Do you have any idea how evil a clone of Evil Mush would be? Let me tell you something, you don't want to know… and I don't know." Hades paused for a moment and hit Evil Mush with a rolled up newspaper as she spotted him eating all the licorice whips. "You know, he's one sexy bitch but he eats like a mo-fo." Hades shook her head.

"Well why have you brought _me_ here?" Cane asked before grabbing the box of licorice whips and shoving a handful in her mouth. It was her one weakness. That and a neked Mush, but who could turn that down?

"You see, I needed a way of getting Mush to my evil layer where I could have an endless supply of his DNA to continue my creation of the Evil Mush Army. However, he was too much man to carry so instead we took you to lure him to our top secret evil layer." Cane stopped eating and looked up.

"Top secret? No way man, this is definitely the basement to Medda's. I'd know this licorice anywhere." Cane resumed eating.

"Blast! Evil Mush, I shake my fist at you! How could you have been so stupid as to bring such an obvious clue to our hostage!" 

Evil Mush grunted sadly and Hades patted his head. "Its fine oh fluffy one." Evil Mush cheered up. "As for you Cane, it won't be long before Mush will come for you and then my plan will be near complete!" Hades snapped and walked out of the room cackling with Evil Mush. Cane looked on in panic as she held on to the licorice whip that dangled from her mouth. 

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Ooh spooky stuff, eh? 


End file.
